Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Training session 3

Footie training 3:

This session heralded the long awaited arrival of Mr Tom McKenzie who showed us exactly what we'd got with a first kick hoof over the fence for a 50p fine. Nice start Tom.

A reasonable turnout gave us 6 a side and after a vague warm up and the one set of gloves divided between the two keepers we were away. This time Tom got it right with a perfectly weighted longball to Chris who controlled and finished beautifully. Just like Beckham to Beardsley as Paul pointed out, whether he meant in skill or looks we’re not entirely certain.

A rainbow of different coloured shirts were causing as much of a problem to knowing who was on which team as Johns built up anger was doing to peoples ankles, so teams were changed to be colour coordinated. All this seemed to do was prove that the myriad of colours weren't really the problem.

An occurrence of cramp to a player on the red and wasps team brought the team together to check their man was ok, however the ‘all other colours’ team had no compassion and chose to take the opportunity to take the ball full pitch and score against a team of 1 defender and a goalie. Bad sportsmanship in my book.

As fitness levels were flagging, and maths levels proved inaccurate for keeping score, a next goal wins rule was applied to the game. Luke finally finished everyones pain with a fine finish and we departed to the pub to talk tactics, scientology and the banning of girls platform wellies.

Overall there seemed to be a general improvement in both fitness levels and number of injuries, as well as in general skill. We played for around 90 minutes and no one collapsed in a heap at the end. Soon the Hull area will have two teams in the premiership.

1. John taking me out with no less than 3 wayward volleys
2. Someones attempt to mimic Alex’s ballet technique
3. Beckham and Beardsley

The new fining system which was implemented yesterday, ‘going forward’, and has proven lucrative to the clubs ‘ROI’. Fines collected by players yesterday:
£1.00 ‘superstar’ Tom McKenzie
£1.00 ‘Midfield dynamo’ Paul Burrow
50p ‘Ballet’ Alex
50p Joe 90
50p Matt ‘Who?’ Livingston (no show)

Conclusions were that:

1. I need to realise that headers are unlikely to score in a goal that is only 4 foot high.
2. Overall fitness levels seem to have improved, and injuries reduced.
3. The real art to football lies in buying some new boots.


  1. All good news bar the rumoured departure of hannah which has yet to be officialy confirmed!

    The fines are going to be contributing more to the "club" than the actual subs so maybe we should cap them at 50p max per player each session. What do people think?

    With no official subs collected from longcroft we must be £50+ in the black which is shaping up well for the end of season dinner.

    I think the last item discussed was that non-football players on the email list can be removed for a one of fee of £10 or they will continue to be bombarded with these ramblings.


  2. Choose a name mr anonymous! 50p cap seems sensible, don't want Tom too skint to pay the match fee.

  3. Well done to everyone for turning up. Once your fitness levels are up please look into a mixed team league and i will get some kit sorted out for you.
    I believe that Colin should have been fined at least £1, for his alleged assult on Hannah - she is your best player - you should look after her!

  4. think colin should be fined £1 million!

  5. Don't think the ref saw the incident. Isn't it about time they brought in technology for these things, video repays and the like. WMpS supplied video camera required methinks.

  6. It's a man's game, shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it.
    (I'm on Colin's side next week though)

  7. who's charley then?

  8. Colin's tackle was awful. Not even close to the ball. Should get at least a 3 game suspension!

  9. Take a bow son, and I mean that!